Grilling and Leaving

It doesn't get much better than this right here:

Today Phil left for the first time since he returned from deployment. Not so fun.
He'll be back in a couple weeks but it's still sad to have to go back to getting by without him.

Operation Paperback

While Phil was still deployed I heard about this organization:
http://www.operationpaperback.org/
I signed up for a box for the boys (since we can never seem to get enough reading material around here). This evening a knock came to my door. It was our postman carrying a box FULL of books for us!

We won't be able to use every single one of them (the Goosebumps series I think may still be a bit much for Joshua) but there are a lot of fun ones in there. Some of them I wouldn't have picked out myself but the boys seemed interested in.

There were a LOT of books! I read the letter that came with it to the boys. Here's the important part:
"These books are a gift from supportive citizens around the United States. It is our way of saying thanks to military families for the incredible sacrifices they make every day."
Funny thing is the boys don't really realize they've made any sort of sacrifice. They will some day, though and I'm hoping that things like this help them realize that people are grateful for the things they've given up.

There was one that was a favorite of the boys. We have some geekiness issues over here.

What a Day!

Yesterday there was another knock at my door. I'm starting to get used to this!
This time it was another super special delivery! I opened the door to a white styrofoam box from Omaha Steaks.

Can a girl get any more spoiled??

Jeremiah couldn't help himself. He opened it right up! We found steaks and chicken and burger and potatoes... and the crowd favorite around here: Hot dogs!!
The person who sent this amazing gift to me I have known my entire life. I miss seeing her quite a bit.
She passed along through my Mom that she had sent this to let me know that she's thinking about me and the sacrifices I am making.
Now here is where I try not to cry (even though you wouldn't see me even if I did). It's so easy to feel like you become invisible during times like this. There are a lot of organizations out there doing what they can to help families back home and that's great. For me, though, it is a whole different animal when someone I know personally recognizes the struggle we're going through as a family.
I'm not sure what else to say other than Thank you, Mary, for this amazing gift. It means so much more than just help with figuring out what's for dinner. I'll be thinking of you every time we eat something you sent... and I can't wait to start because I hear this stuff is delicious! You are amazing!
Oh and P.S.

The dry ice that came in the box was a lot of fun too!

Skype

Tonight we had a date. Phil was going to call about 6 o'clock so I could open the gifts he had ordered before he left while on the phone with him. That didn't exactly work out. We talked for maybe a few minutes and were disconnected probably a half dozen times. Not our idea of a good time.
So Phil decided to bite the bullet and pay for his own internet connection. So what happens then? Skype. That's what! We got to video "chat" with Phil. I use these "" because we did most of the talking. Phil had the other guys who were asleep in his tent to consider.
This picture makes me really really happy.
The end.

Saying Goodbye

Why do I have time to start catching up? Because we've finally reached D-day (deployment day).
This morning we dropped Phil off to catch a bus that would lead to a flight out of our country and onto another.
He'll be gone about 7 months, give or take. We're all handling it well so far but we have a long way to go, of course. We're taking it day by day. Right now is the end of day one. Tomorrow is another day.
For now... here are our pictures from this morning!

Command Christmas Party

Yep I'm super behind. Thanksgiving threw a wrench in my schedule... and so has getting ready for Christmas. Needless to say, I'll be doing some catching up.
A couple weeks ago was Phil's command Christmas party. We had a great time! A night out without the kids? Really yummy food? Good friends? A recipe for a great evening indeed!
This is Lauren and Rachel. I love these girls. They do, however, make me feel really really tall.
It was the the aquarium. Phil gave the crocodile the stink eye and the crocodile gave it right back.


It was a great way to kick off the holidays this year!

We Were Soldiers (Wives)

This has been a relatively frustrating few weeks for us. We've received more bad news about the truck. We're still driving a loaner car (that neither of us like at all). I tried to start the process of using our "free companion airfare" we received from T-Mobile only to reach complication after complication. I finally got word tonight that we won't be able to use it at all which doubles the cost we expected for our trip to California next month. There are so many other smaller things as well. It seems like one thing after another has caused complications for us. It's all really normal stuff that isn't necessarily specific to us being a military family. Well, maybe it is a little.
It is the Navy that moved us across the country from my hometown so that it costs us a ridiculous amount of money to visit "home." Hm... can't come up with a way to blame our truck on the military. Shoot. Maybe it is just life! Either way, I finished watching the movie, "We Were Soldiers" while the boys were napping this afternoon. I really enjoyed the focus they placed on the families back home and everything they went through. Since I had a little extra time after it was over, I watched a couple of the special features as well. Here's my "suck it up" quote for the day.

I think people forget that these men have families and these families have problems and the wives are left alone to deal with them as best they can. And these women were really up to the task. They really were. -Julie Moore

This comes from the woman who intercepted telegrams taxi drivers were delivering to families of deceased servicemen so she could deliver them herself. Talk about a tough cookie! So yes, things feel rough lately, but really I can do this. I'm a military wife and we just do that.

Missing "Home"

A funny thing has happened since we started this whole military family thing. First, a little background. I grew up the first 21 years of my life in the same house, in the same town, in the same state. I'm at least a 4th generation in that town... or was, I suppose. It's still my "hometown" and while I love to visit, it's definitely not "home" anymore. We've moved about and met new people and fell in love with new areas. A bit of our sense of home was left in those places when we moved away. Some days we feel homesick for California, sometimes for Italy, sometimes for Illinois.
In spite of all that, when things happen or change back "home," it still has the ability to affect me profoundly. This last week I was informed that yet another person I knew growing up has passed away. It is not someone I knew well but it still affected me. More then I expected, actually.
There has been so much I've missed out on with living this somewhat transient life. I've missed friends getting married and children being born. I've missed being able to show the people who watched me grow how my children are growing. We do visit when we can, but it's impossible to hold a place for yourself in two locations at once. You have to learn to live without some of those normal things that everyone else gets to be a part of as a natural part of life.
So here are my heartfelt sympathies to the family of the man who will be greatly missed. I sincerely wish I could be there to grieve with you.

FRG

Phil's squadron will be home from their deployment in less then a month and everyone is so excited! Tonight was the pre-homecoming brief. They asked me to make a cake to help celebrate and this is what I came up with.
Talk about work! 3 little boats that resembled the boats our guys drive. In front are little sea bags and helmets. All the camo I hand-painted. In the picture are Lauren and Lisa, the FRG president and vice-president. I've recently taken on the secretary role in the FRG. I love these girls! It should be fun once all our hubbies are home for a bit.

A Couple More Books

I've finally surrendered my last Abigail Adams book back to the library for a peaceful rest among innumerable others and picked up a couple other military wife books.
I've mentioned "Campfollowing" before. I'm almost halfway through this one and have enjoyed it so far. It's a pretty thorough history of military wives and their involvement with their husbands and what not. Did you know there were a whole slew of wives who joined their husbands on the battlefield during the Revolutionary and Civil wars? I remember talk of Molly Pitcher and all but didn't realize she was married to someone serving. There are so many more then that as well! There is a tone in this book that makes a person a little embarrassed to be the wife of an enlisted man. For generations the wives of these men would find employment as laundresses and even some men would be hired as officers servants in their off hours. I thought that it was just the history that was making me feel sadly for these women but then I picked up reading another book by the same authors. I didn't realize this was the case until just last night. I'm about 2 chapters into "Uncle Same's Brides" and have found myself deeply offended by something written inside at least 4 times already. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to make it all the way through this book. I should preface this with saying that there is still quite a separation between officer and enlisted for the purpose of professionalism as well as to keep order when they are out in the field. This is meant to be for the military members, not the wives. Wives do often keep these distinctions, though, since it is just easier. Hard to be friends with a wife but not to be able to hang out as two couples together when the husbands are home. All of that said, there is a basic assumption in this book that all enlisted wives wish they were officer's wives. It could not be farther from the truth.
This book was written in 1990. Most of what I've read so far is so completely out of date that it might as well have been written in 1950. Base housing, health care, and wives clubs have all changed drastically since this time, I guess. I feel like I could go on and on supporting my feelings about this book but I think it would probably be redundant at this point. All said and done, I'm left hoping that the attitudes of Officer's wives these days are far different then those of these authors. I'll part with two quotes that I found particularly interesting:

Most officers and their wives are as aloof to enlisted society as royalty might be to their servants.

As one colonel's wife remarked, "Even if an extremely bright, gifted, college-educated woman from the civilian upper classes should elect to marry an enlisted, that's her mistake. Unless her husband promotes to officer rank, she is condemned to a life in the military outside of the officer's superior social hierarchy."

I really really hope that things are seen differently today because I think it's safe to say that enlisted wives are fine being where we are in the military heirarchy and enjoy the society here quite well, thank you very much.

My Husband the Riverine

Phil is back! For good... well, kinda.
As most of you know, this command that Phil is stationed at is going to be a lot different from what we've been with in the past. So Phil is home... for now. When he will leave again we're not sure. In the mean time, we are so happy to have him home! Phil has graduated from his latest class that officially makes him a Riverine.
To commemorate that I thought I'd share something I just read for the first time with Phil's latest certificate, The Riverine Sailor Creed:

In our nation's time of need, there are Sailors that stand ready... honor bound... to defend freedom. They serve on shallow waters and rivers, around the world, with honor and distinction. I am proud to be one of these Sailors... a Riverine Sailor.

I am a quiet professional; tried, tested and dedicated to achieving excellence in Riverine warfare operations. I am a disciplined, confident and highly motivated warrior.

My honor and integrity are above reproach; my commitment to duty unquestioned and my word trusted. The American people depend on me to execute my mission in a precise and professional, military manner.

I maintain my craft, equipment and myself at the highest possible levels of combat readiness. I set the standard and lead by personal example. I am responsible for my actions and accountable to my shipmates, superiors and the American people.

I am ready for war, but hope for peace. In the event of conflict, I will close and engage the enemy with the full combat power at my disposal. My actions will be decisive, yet measured. I will always complete my mission and do my duty leaving no shipmate behind, dead or alive.

My heritage was born during the revolution that made ours a free nation. The legacy and courage of those warriors who went in harms way before me guides my actions. I shall never forget the selflessness, perseverance and sacrifices made to secure our nations freedom. I will always uphold and maintain the honor of those who fought before me and staunchly protect our proud history.

Almost Done

This is our last weekend together before Phil graduates from this particular school. There will be another later, but we will get a break at least for now. Phil will be gone a lot for the next couple of weeks and we would really appreciate you praying for him as he completes his last tests for this school.
In the mean time, I'm still absorbing myself in the letters between Abigail and John Adams and finding companions on this journey of togetherness and separation.
"Every day of ye time I have mournd the absence of my friend, and felt a vacancy in heart which nothing, nothing can supply. In vain the spring blooms or the birds sing, their musick has not its formour melody, nor the spring its usual pleasures. I look around with a melancholy delight and sigh for my absent partner." Abigail to John, May of 1777
I can't wait to be back together again for more then just a weekend. So much gets missed during the weeks. I know we'll be spending a lot more time apart while we are stationed here, but for now, my focus is two weeks away and getting through until then.

Campfollowing

On KLOVE earlier as the boys and I were driving home, there was a snippet on air about military wives and how their isolation puts them at risk. I had never paired isolation with why I feel so lonely lately. I am constantly around 2 other people, but at 5 and 2, they aren't the best conversationalists yet. I get to talk to Phil every day and see him most weekends, which is a huge blessing that I don't take for granted, but there is something missing in going about your day by day lives together when you're not... well... together. I did a search for articles along these lines and came across a sampling of a book online that is a history of military wives (ending in about 1972, so I'm guessing this was written before I was even born). I haven't read too far into the sample even, but this one little part made me just about cry. Someone understands me!!!

It does take a special kind of woman to be a military wife. She must be a patriot, and a helpmate, lover, comforter and confidante to her husband. As one reads the early diaries or hears the stories of women who have experienced the roller-coaster ups and downs of military life, it becomes clear that the military wife must be courageous and resilient, and have a sense of humor... It is neither an easy life nor one to which all wives can adapt, but those who do are part of a heritage rich in sacrifice, adventure, and fulfillment.

from "Campfollowing," By Betty Sowers Alt, Bonnie Domrose Stone

Okay, so I wanted to quote several paragraphs, but fear the copyright problems that could ensue. I'm not even sure I'll be able to buy this book anymore, but for now it's good to be reminded that I am just one of a long legacy of women who have stood up under these same burdens and succeeded in the end.

Abigail and I

From some inspiration I had from Abigail Adams before, I decided to look into this woman of American history again recently. She knew far better then I how to handle long and seemingly endless periods of separation. At a time when there was no phone or internet and even letters were few and far between, Abigail and John Adams kept up a strong relationship over years of uncertainty during the American Revolution. I'm pretty sure she would laugh out loud at my struggles with adapting to being apart again. I'm working on my second book with Abigail as the subject and am deeply humbled. How could a woman ever be this strong? She spent lots of time stewarding a farm, a while in France and even had to entertain not only as the wife of the vice president but then later as the First Lady. I have been keeping this quote with me in my purse these days. It seems to snap me back into reality when I feel like my life is rough:

"She managed the family farm, coped with food shortages, and raised and educated their children by herself... She hired farm workers, wove cloth, sewed clothes, and made soap. She also concocted herbal medicines from plants in her garden and fended off British soldiers who were invading Boston homes." Barbara A Somerville

See, I told you she would laugh out loud!
It's not that I find my life all that particularly challenging. We have struggles and difficult days just like every other family in God's creation. There are some things we have to learn to adapt to that others don't, but we do it because we have to then move on. Abigail knew that for her husband to be able to help form this new little country he would have to spend some time away from home. For her, even though it had it's challenges, it was worth the sacrifice. It is for us too.
I could reflect on this woman for much longer, but for the time being, if you get the chance, do some reading about Abigail Adams. She is amazing and an inspiration with how she coped under difficult circumstances. After all, not only was she married to a President, she was also the mother to one!

"Used to This"

I think one of the most common (and most maddening) comments I hear from civilian women is what shortly follows the, "how do you do that kind of life?" dialogue. She usually says something to the affect of, "Oh, well I guess you must just be used to it by now." It's usually referring to some sort of hardship that is common for military spouses like moving or living without your husband for long periods of time.
Last night during the family readiness group meeting, we stopped to talk about how everyone is doing. I'm the odd ball in this group. Everyone else has had their husband deployed since October. I had mine here through the holidays and now get him every weekend. Fortunately they have still accepted me as one of their own. Even with the difference, it was amazing how much our stories resonated throughout the whole group. Stories of waking up in the middle of the night scared holding your breath because you're afraid there might be an intruder in the house (alarm systems have turned out to be only a small consolation). Eating way more food that comes out of the freezer because you have no idea what to make when it's just you. The burn out with your own children even though you love them more then anything simply because there is no one there to share the responsibility of child rearing with. Catastrophes that always seem to wait until a husband can't be there to help. Turmoil over trying to make major life decisions when you are a world apart geographically and so much more!
As I was trying to get myself to sleep again I kept thinking about the women who have said that phrase to me throughout the years. I've grown accustomed to some of this military lifestyle and have learned how to cope with most of it. I have learned that overall I'm stronger then I give myself credit for if I would just pull myself up by my bootstraps and move forward. However, I have not, nor will I ever, grow comfortable with having my one true closest best friend, lover and soul mate out of reach. I will never magically learn how to be both a Mom and a Dad to my boys. I will never be happy about the fact that we live hours and hours away from even our closest family. I will never learn to enjoy leaving friendships behind that it took me years to find and cultivate just to start all over again from scratch.
Out of all the retired military wives that I have had the pleasure of knowing, they have all told me in one way or another that you never really get used to this life. You just learn to do the best you can with the circumstances you are placed in.
So, no, I'm not "used to this," I'm just doing all I can in spite of it today.

This is what I really needed today. I'm one chapter away from finishing the 2nd military wife book that Phil got me for mother's day last year. It has been a very helpful book with advice and ideas on how to still get the life you want even when dealing with the unique lifestyle of the military family. Part of it has been discouraging, though. It has made me remember all at one time the frequent moves, the unique places we get stationed, the distance from family, the fact that Phil cannot be at my beckon call when he's also committed to the Navy and so much more.
All these things can be see as positives, trust me. I love trying out new places and learning new cultures. Moving every few years gives me a chance to start over again when a lot of people never leave the town they were born into and have a much more difficult time if they decide to reinvent themselves. Still, even with all this positive thinking, being so fresh off a PCS move, there are a lot of negatives. I have to find a core group of friends for myself all over again every time. Emailing old friends helps, but can only do so much. I have to find people I trust to watch our boys every now and then so I don't lose my mind. I have to re-figure the balance of my entire life with every new job Phil takes on. It's a lot of work.
Phil will be home to visit this weekend, only to have to return to school for several more weeks with no weekends home afterward. I am so grateful for this visit, don't get me wrong. I have just been frustrated lately with how much work this lifestyle requires on my part. I'm okay when that. I knew that going in, but seeing things like this movie trailer help me remember that there is a reason we live this way and that deep down people do appreciate it (even if they do scowl when I'm in the checkout stand with a 5 year old who won't keep his hands to himself and a 2 year old who wants to be everywhere else but the shopping cart.)

"Adventures" of a Military Wife

It's funny this life we've chosen to live. Hours and hours away from even the closest part of our family. We only get to see family a few times a year. I get so irritated when wives sit and gripe about any particular part of military life like it's some unfair burden cast upon them that they are completely unable to control. It's not that way at all. Phil and I have decided to stay in the military even though we could get out. We have our reasons for staying in, of course. So let's keep it clear that my belly aching today is not me being a victim by any means. It is just a way of helping pass along the understanding of the things we have to live with because we decided to stay in the military. It seems there is a general misunderstanding of military families among those who aren't military, so I thought it would help to specify that.
This weekend Phillipp's Aunt Verna came for a very brief visit. We really loved having a bit of time together but it was so sad to part again. As I was sitting feeling sorry for myself, my feelings were suddenly amplified by the realization that this is not going to get any better in the near future. Soon we'll be moving to Virginia where we will not only still be far away from our family but will probably be spending quite a bit of time far away from Phil as well!
There is quite a bit of loneliness that goes along with being a military wife. Loneliness when the house is so dreadfully quite because the boys have gone to bed and Phil is on duty or working or just gone altogether because he's out to sea and there are so many long hours to pass before the boys wake up again. There is loneliness when a big holiday is coming up and all our friends have plans with extended family but ours is too far away. Loneliness comes with every move we make since we have never really had a lot of friends awaiting us at our destination. Loneliness also comes with a move when we leave all our friends that have taken us so long to find behind us. Loneliness sometimes creeps up slowly when you're waiting for a big deployment or suddenly like today shortly after Verna left.
I know this is where civilians say, "I don't know how you can do that." You just do, I guess. There's no magic to it. No special gift. It's not because I don't love my husband (thus not having a hard time when he goes away). This the life we've chosen and this is what goes along with it, so we do what we need to do. You find things that help you along the way. Sometimes it's keeping busy with things to do, sometimes it's cleaning incessantly, sometimes it's watching a whole lot of old Baywatch re-runs... and sometimes it's freshly baked peanut butter cookies... a lot of them... oh, who's kidding?! It was the cookie dough. In a minute it's also going to be going outside to pull weeds because for some reason that always makes me feel better.
So, before I go do that and take the last batch of cookies out of the oven (yes, some dough actually did make it in to the oven), here are some pictures from the tremendously fun couple of days we had with Auntie Verna and Randy.

Catching fireflies with Josh

He was very interested to watch one that was on the ground.

Yes, I have seen this look on Josh before...

This is us with Auntie Verna this morning before she left. Yes, those are my high school gym shorts if you must ask.

Jeremiah was promoted to a new kind of bed today! We changed around his crib to a toddler bed that he seems to be enjoying quite a bit!